you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
