Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
