it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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