Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
