9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
