I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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