New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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