I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
