you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
