I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
