just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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