Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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