even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
