Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I just sharted jello shots
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
