Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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