If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
