sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
