i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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