the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
