Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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