I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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