we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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