please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
