this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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