I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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