I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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