i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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