It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
