That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
