sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
