I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
