Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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