I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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