you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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