She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
