I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
