i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My vagina is officially offended.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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