I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
