I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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