i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
