dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
