note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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