If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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