that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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