You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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