the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
