dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
