I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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