Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
