I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
