No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
