You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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