I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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