make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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